Standing at the precipice

It's that familiar feeling. The immensity of the event and the knowledge that everything is changing, rearranging (in the words of a long-gone boyband :P) into a new kind of existence that could last as little as one year or as long as, who knows, is enchanting and exciting - a new frontier I haven't walked on before. In my relatively sheltered life I haven't had many life-defining events but this can definitely qualify as one of them, augmented by the fact that it's being accented with a big move, and rudely punctuated with visa issues and other adult-ish stuff.

And yet, unfamiliar. As I grow older these few moments I have grow increasingly tinged with the worrying knowledge that I may not like it, that I may not know what to do, that I may find it very difficult to cope, that I may fail. It may be acceptable to think so, even encouraged (so we don't go all cocky and over-confident into the job, however prepared/unprepared we may be), but it's hard to come to terms with. Also the coziness of dwelling in the known present and past makes me loathe to move out of my comfort zone into the future that I know is coming and face the uncertainties awaiting me.

So I'm thankful I'm familiar with Chertsey, and that my fellow foundation year doctors seem like a good bunch. I'm thankful for the tiny revision session on acute management of sick patients that tried to stop the drain of information out of my brain's backdoor. I'm thankful for a great landlord and landlady whose willingness for my departure date to be fuzzy helps my gradual move out of my current place, as with the friends in the said house who aren't shooing me out (inviting me back for next time, rather! :) ). I'm thankful that I had a month to indulge in the coziness of my current student-y life (helped by the unpredictable British weather) and random leisurely pursuits, while making tiny forays into the thought processes and activities of the grown-up working world. I'm thankful for the insistence of my mom's investment plans so I'm not clueless when I discuss my income management with financial advisors etc. and when I survey the minefield that is money management (sigh...).

And most of all, I'm thankful that no matter how some things change, Someone doesn't. And all is alright.